So its been awhile since I updated this thing, not having a computer with a full keyboard is to blame. At any rate, sorry for the lack of updates, and here we go.

My last post was emo, super-emo. But it was also true in the sense that I was feeling a lot of despair. What I’ve found it comes down to is what Jesus talks about in the book of John when he talks about the vine.

1“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes^[a] so that it will be even more fruitful. 3You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. 4Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.

-John 15:1-4 (NIV)

I’ve been totally separated from the Vine. I was completely burnt out from my experience with GCM. It disgusted me how people treated me, and in turn how I treated other people. I was angry at church, and I was also angry at God. Deep down I kept thinking, “Weren’t you supposed to protect me from stuff like this?!”. I wasn’t reading my Bible, I wasn’t praying, I was disconnected in the fullest sense of the word. I had no purpose. Nothing to look forward to. No mission. I was lost.

Something changed. It was Sunday of Labor day weekend. I was sitting in my apartment playing on my roommate’s Wii, and it suddenly hit me. I was happy, I was content. You see that week I had started trying to read the Bible more and to be more thankful. I realized that all I really need is God, and that is the one thing I have always had in my life, whether I’ve chosen to acknowledge it or not. Ive always wanted things like getting married. I realized that I don’t even know why I want to get married. I know why I should get married, but I realized that I don’t really have a solid reason as for why I want to get married. It was realizations like that which helped me to realize that I really only need God and all this stuff I’ve been telling myself I need has been a bunch of lies. I also realized I’m content with what God wants me to do. Im ready to follow again.

Having said all of that, I’ve decided to join Church again. Im going to a church in Waukee called “Westwind Church”. I know one of the co-pastors, he’s a pretty rad guy I met whilst interning for the rosebud mission trips. I’m excited to be involved in a community again. Im excited to give and to serve and to love. I have all these gifts and talents, and I really want to use them. Im excited to get to know people and figure out how I can be a life-giving presence.

Im also trying to dig into the word and pray more. Some days are better than others, but its a process and I’m really just happy to be moving forward again. Im happy to be reconnecting to the Vine again.

Life is good.