Let me start this post by stating a fact I’ve come to love: 

God is the definition and source of true beauty

I think when it comes down to it, were all searching for beauty. We want to be good looking, have lots of really good friends, live in a nice home, be in love, the list goes on. All of us are searching for beauty. When God started this whole thing, back in the garden with adam and eve, Adam and Eve had direct, unhindered access to God’s beauty.

And then, just like that, it was gone. There was a rift. And for the first time, words like ugly, hate, and loneliness entered our world. And ever since then, we’ve all been frantically searching for beauty, for God’s beauty. We’ve collectively been the anorexic in the mirror who is convinced if they just lose a couple more pounds, then they will be beautiful.

After 24 years of life on this earth, I’m really, really tired of starving myself of that which I need the most in life. I’m tired of making excuses saying that its just life in America. I’m tired of tolerating idol worship, of whoring myself out to anything and everything. I’m tired of going to bed every night wishing that I was doing something worthwhile with my life. I want a beautiful life, and the only way I can accomplish that is be completely giving myself to my beautiful God. And I’m becoming more and more convinced each day, that I need to leave America to resurrect myself from the spiritual death I find myself so often entangled in.

Sometimes I get scared, and start thinking about how hard it will be to leave it all behind. And, if I do leave America, I really will be leaving it all behind. My debt (student loans and the like) is such that if I am to leave for an extended time, I won’t be able to live in America again. So its all or nothing, once I leave there is no going back. And then sometimes I think about how hard it will be to leave my friends and family. That thought makes me sad, but I also that Jesus said that he who loses his life for Christs sake will find it. And I feel like Jesus was whispering those beautiful words into my ear, and that fills me with such hope and excitement.

Sometimes I remind myself that just because Im going to leave America doesn’t mean that my problems will stay in America. But heres the thing about my problems. I have every distraction imaginable here in America. I can watch tv, surf the net, listen to music on my iPhone, etc. Its not that I think I’m going to leave all my problems behind, I know better than that. Im looking at being in a place where I can’t just distract myself constantly, but instead will be forced to relate to God and deal with my issues. But then again, thats about me, and thats not the real reason I want to go overseas, remember, I’m searching for beauty just like everyone else.

The idea of selling most of my worldly possessions and moving to a third world country and living and giving to the people there, living just as they do is probably the most beautiful thing I can think of doing with my life. The problem is that its really not an acceptable practice here in the states. After all, a guy like me is supposed to have a wife and family, and you have to have a good job and a nice house. Nice houses and jobs apparently means that God loves you. (extreme sarcasm there) And not coincidentally, not only is that the most beautiful thing that I think I could do with my life, its also the most humbling.

So I’ve listed out some of my motivation for doing all this crazy stuff. Here’s some of the practical stuff. I have decided to get certified to teach english overseas. In the next month or two, I will start taking an online course to get certified. Once I get certified I will begin the process of preparing myself to leave America. I’d like to be on a plane within 6-12 months of completing the TEFL course. I’ll definitely be trying to discipline myself to save money and live a more simplified life. I’d like to end up somewhere in the south pacific, but thats not set in stone and I’m doing lots of praying to see what God thinks about it.

What it all comes down to is that God is beautiful, and I think I’m finally willing to sell everything I have for the pearl of great price. And I’m seriously hoping that Jim Elliot wasn’t wrong when he said that “He who gives up what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose is no fool”.

If you actually read this whole thing, congrats, you deserve a medal.

PS- It’d be cool to have a travel buddy…you know you want to!

Peace and Grace to you all