I’ve been thinking a lot about church lately. Specifically, I’ve been thinking about whether or not I’ll ever go back. My experiences with church have been less than savory for the most part. I had two amazing youth pastors when I was in middle school/high school, and those are really my fondest memories of church. Most of my experiences with Church have involved people playing power games and trying to manipulate and use the people they are supposed to be in community with. Let it also be said that I do not claim to exclude myself from that characterization. I have attempted to play the power games as well, its just that I’m no good at those games. It also seems that for the most part, the most genuine and encouraging people I run across are unbelievers. I just have never really known Church to be a place of healing, but rather a place of wounding. I’m not so sure I want to rejoin and support that type of systemic idiocy.
I’ve also been thinking a lot about the evangelical movement. I’ve been a part of some evangelical church for all of my life. And I think perhaps that is where a lot of my issues with church stem from. I believe that the evangelical movement is dead. Or at least any sign of productive, vibrant life has passed away, and its shell should follow suit. I know that may sound harsh, but let me explain my thought process here. The evangelical movement is closely associated with modern thought. Modern thought was built around systems and science. Everything can and should have an explanation. So therefore we took this approach to the gospel that people wanted and needed answers and so we provided answers for everyone. The ultimate vehicles for this are evangelism and sunday morning preaching. And while I’m sure there were many with good intentions, it got lost in translation. While at one point in time a modern church could reach a modern generation, that is no longer the case. Nowadays the modern church reaching out to the postmodern generation looks like a bloody crusade. Its messy, ignorant and has lots of casualties on both sides. The evangelical church was the modern churches child, it grew up, grew old and has reached the end of its life.
So what does that mean? Am I just going to join a trendy, postmodern church? No, probably not. While I like a lot of the directions the postmodern church is taking, I don’t necessarily like the fact that its main direction is simply away from modernity. To be honest, I’m really not sure what I should do about church. I feel the deep need to be connected to other Christ-followers, but I’m weary and still bitter from being used by people who claimed to know God. Right now I don’t want to join a formal church ever again. I want to have a small unorganized church with my friends who I care about a lot, and who care about me. I want to share Christ with my co-workers not because I have to, but because I really desire them to have the same joy that I do. Who knows, maybe God will change my heart and draw me to a formal church. Or maybe He won’t, and I’ll find a few people to be in church with.
Everything about my life seems so messy and disorderly right now. I don’t really have control. But I know God does, and that fills me with wonderstanding.
Thoughts about this entry? I’m game, lets discuss.
-tj
The term “doughnut church” comes to mind.
http://www.emergingchurch.info/reflection/simonhall/index.htm
By: Tony on January 16, 2008
at 4:46 pm
i’m thinking you need to figure this stuff out for yourself once and for all. and i don’t think someone opining over a blog (assuming it’s a disagreeing opinion, which i think is what you are assuming yourself) will result in anything but temporary conflict followed by explaining, followed by “oh i guess we just misunderstood each other, some good points were made”, and then nothing really changes. god changes things though if you let him, and if you seek him. so in your confusion and hurt, be sure to seek god the best way you know how (maybe you are, maybe you are not, i’m not claiming to know), and then obey him. without that, a blog post will do absolutely nothing. and yes, i do care and i am going to stop typing and pray for you right now…
By: erik on January 17, 2008
at 2:18 pm
i just re-read that last part and “yes, i do care” sounds snide or something, and that’s not what i meant to communicate. i care, tj!
By: erik on January 17, 2008
at 8:28 pm
I agree with Eric (how is that for snide)
Teej, I have thoughts too, but maybe an actual conversation would be better than trying to lay something out.
One question I have is: What is your opinion on the Bible? Most of the evangelicals you describes would say the bible is God Breathed and infallible–and then try to shove their particular agenda down one’s throat using carefully picked verses. So I guess my question is more can you separate reading the bible from the sick feeling you get when you think of Evangelicals? I see alot of non-evangelical thought in the scriptures (see your last post on Rich Mullins), and I wonder if the unfiltered Bible could help you find some clarity. However if when you read it, you only here your old pastors yelling, then it may not be much help to you. It will only work if in your heart you feel that you can still find and hear from God himself in the scriptures.
By: dbovenmyer on January 17, 2008
at 11:47 pm
Thanks for the comments guys. And Erik, I didnt find your original comment snide or offensive in the least. Let me update/clarify some of my words from my original post. The Bible is obviously quite clear about not only our need for Church, but God’s command to be a part of it. So as I separate myself from some of the bitterness towards my experiences with Church and focus on being obedient to God its not so much a decision of of I will go back to church at some point, but of how and where. I can’t see myself ever being happy in an evangelical, big-box type of church. Having said that, where WOULD i go? Im really not sure. That is the real question. There are a lot of things I’ve always desired that church would be, and so my real dilemma is do I settle for an ordinary american church experience (which is easily accessible) or do I push ahead and seek what I truly long for (which is not very easily accessible)?
I hope that clarifies things a bit
By: tjlyttle on January 18, 2008
at 1:46 am
Well I think you already know your answer. I know what I would do. I’m not settling, I tell you that. I would look for substance, over flashiness. Even many post modern churches still have a very similar format of Sunday church–only some of the message may be phrased differently. I would try to narrow down what you see Christ calling the church to today and find a place that is dedicated to doing that.
By: dbovenmyer on January 18, 2008
at 3:15 am
I’ve met a number of people and even heard some notable theologians saying that God is calling people out of the church. They called themselves the “overcomers”. I first met one when Tom Short was talking on campus… we ended up talking for several hours. I believe he had some sort of small house church format and every so often got together with people from around the country to discuss things (sounded like strange views) that they had read from the Bible.
My own vision is quite myopic as far as church vision goes. Invariably, however, you will find that wherever you go that you will in some way or another you will have to die to yourself and set your expectations at the feet of Jesus to take up what he would have for you (believing that what he has is best). I recommend contemplating/praying over Philippians 2:1-18
Also, I’m not sure how much we need to concern ourselves with modern/post-modern/whatever thought except perhaps with how to speak their “language” and reach out to them. The church dances to another tune… God’s tune (which doesn’t care about all of our petty distinctions). I believe you understand that, but I wanted to say that so that if you’re willing you can cast off such covers and get at what you’re really feeling. I don’t mean to offend saying that, but I believe that its necessary to get onto the real healing/heart issues.
By: Steve O on February 12, 2008
at 3:22 pm