I’ve been thinking a lot about all this crazy stuff going on in our world. The collapse of our economy, this election, the council on foreign relations goal to merge sovereign nations into one government, etc. I’m convinced we are extremely close to the end. I’m not about to predict dates. I don’t know if it will be 5 days from now, 5 years from now, or 50 years from now. The date is really a non-issue I think. I’ve been scouring the Bible to see what it has to say about the end times. It seems to have one main message: BE READY!! As I’ve been researching the council on foreign relations, the collapse of the economy and other things, I’ve realized that i’ve been asleep. I haven’t been ready. And so I’ve been asking myself how I can prepare myself. How can I make sure that I am ready? I’ve been thinking a lot about the passover. Heres the passage, with my thoughts following after the passage:

 

Exodus 12:1-11 (NIV)

“1 The LORD said to Moses and Aaron in Egypt, 2 ”This month is to be for you the first month, the first month of your year. 3 Tell the whole community of Israel that on the tenth day of this month each man is to take a lamb ^[a] for his family, one for each household. 4 If any household is too small for a whole lamb, they must share one with their nearest neighbor, having taken into account the number of people there are. You are to determine the amount of lamb needed in accordance with what each person will eat. 5 The animals you choose must be year-old males without defect, and you may take them from the sheep or the goats. 6Take care of them until the fourteenth day of the month, when all the people of the community of Israel must slaughter them at twilight. 7 Then they are to take some of the blood and put it on the sides and tops of the doorframes of the houses where they eat the lambs. 8 That same night they are to eat the meat roasted over the fire, along with bitter herbs, and bread made without yeast. 9 Do not eat the meat raw or cooked in water, but roast it over the fire—head, legs and inner parts. 10 Do not leave any of it till morning; if some is left till morning, you must burn it. 11 This is how you are to eat it: with your cloak tucked into your belt, your sandals on your feet and your staff in your hand. Eat it in haste; it is the LORD’s Passover.”

 ”This is how you are to eat it: with your cloak tucked into your belt, your sandals on your feet and your staff in your hand. Eat it in haste, it is the LORD’s Passover”. God wanted the israelites ready, able to leave at a moments notice. I think this is a great picture. Its also convicting. I just got hired on at the Apple store. I love my iPhone. I love my roommates Wii. Not these things are bad intrinsically, but I’ve allowed myself to become attached to this American culture. And to be honest, I think possibly more attached to this culture than to God himself. I think that if the Church is to be prepared, we must return to this idea. God’s people waiting expectantly for his return. We have to separate ourselves from our culture. In Matthew 24 Jesus asks the disciples, “Do you see this temple? Not one brick will be left on top of another.” Im sure it was simply unthinkable to them. Yet, it happened in 70 AD. I wonder how many of us marvel at our culture and can’t imagine its destruction. I know I have been guilty of that.

The simple truth of the matter is that we are no different from the Israelites. We are both foreigners making our way into the promised land. For us, the promised land isn’t on this earth. I’m afraid too many of us identify ourselves first and foremost as Americans, when our main identity should be that of a citizen of the kingdom of heaven. The fact is that this world is scared. Its constantly trying to find security. That fact is clearly evident in the presidential election. People are turning to our government to provide security. The only one who can truly provide the security people are looking for is God. The Church needs to stand up and proclaim that God is in control and that He loves us. We need to stop taking political sides. When people ask us what we think we should use this phrase “Well, this is what God says…”. But instead, I know in my own life, I say things like, “Well I guess I have a more liberal approach…”. It’s wrong. Since I have had my eyes opened to all of this stuff, I’ve regretted voting for Obama. But to be fair, I regret voting period. I would regret voting for McCain if I had voted for him. I mean, at what point are we just investing in babylon? Don’t get me wrong, its sad to see America on the decline. But whats amazing is that these earthly nations will rise and fall, but the kingdom of God will last forever. And thats beautiful.

Its the new passover. Where God’s children come together and wait expectantly for God to come back and claim what is His, His glory and righteousness. And when he comes back, I don’t want to be like the Israelites dancing around the golden calf. I want to be Joshua, waiting expectantly for my leader to return.

Have you ever had one of those moments where you suddenly became aware of what was going on around you? And the experience was so jarring that you started questioning everything? I’ve had such an experience. I’m going to share some information with you. It’s going to sound crazy. Its going to sound like a huge conspiracy theory. I’m not asking you to believe it, I’m just asking you to research it. Educate yourself. But as far as I’m concerned, there are some serious threats to America, and way more importantly, the Church. And I think most of us have been sleeping at the wheel.

I’m going to link to some videos. If you’ve got some time, I’d like you to watch these videos, and let me know what you think. The google video link is to a pretty long video. The first twenty minutes are essential, but its really all pretty interesting.

On Wednesday I voted for Obama. Its amazing because the Earth didn’t implode, and I still love Jesus. I’m completely ready for this election to be over with. And not just because I’m tired of the political ads. Its that I’m disgusted with how the Christian right has reacted to Obama’s candidacy. If you’ve gotten the disgusting email forwards, or seen the racist McCain/Palin supporters, or heard of the dvd mailings people received featuring a dvd entitled “Obsession” which is severely anti-muslim you know what I mean. According to the right Obama is the antichrist and an end to all that is sacred and right. I mean, seriously?

Whats more of an abomination? A guy with a middle name which happens to be Hussein, even though he professes to be a Christian, or supposed “Christians” who look more comfortable in a KKK rally than sunday morning church? I think its far worse for Christians to not be Christians in world that desperately needs more Christ-like people.

The fact is that there are plenty of legitimate reasons to not vote for Obama. Say that he is too liberal. Talk about how he is pro-choice. Discuss how you don’t think his tax plan will work or benefit America in the long run. There’s plenty of material there. But don’t say that he is a muslim. Don’t say he is a terrorist. That doesn’t do your side any good. It just reaffirms what everyone else already thinks about the Christian right: that the christian right are bigoted racists who don’t want to relinquish the status quo. How else do you explain your hatred of abortion (which I believe is well-placed) with your insensitivity to deaths resulting from the American war machine? Why is some life valuable and some life is easily discarded? The simple truth is that the world is looking for answers, and when it looks to the church, it most often hears watered down religious/political drivel that doesn’t do anything but divide.

What it all boils down to is that America is not God’s nation. It just isn’t, Israel is. When Jesus walked the earth he talked about the “kingdom of God”. He talked about it a lot. The fact is, because we are God’s children our allegiance should be first and foremost to His kingdom. When you hear Jesus speak in the gospels, he is always saying things like “do not store up for yourselves treasure on earth, where moths and rust destroy, but rather, store up for yourselves treasure in heaven”. He refused to deal with politics, he resisted earthly power. And I wonder how many of us lose sight of that, especially in an election year? And I’m including myself in this. Have you spent more time trying to convince others that your candidate is the better candidate than that Jesus loves them? I’m guilty of that. This election will come and go. Heck, this world is going to melt away at some point.

I don’t really think God is going to be as concerned about who we voted for, as much as he is going to be concerned about who we loved. And as a reminder, Jesus died for muslims too, even the radical terrorists. He didn’t command us to blow them into kingdom come, he told us to love them.

Consider what Paul says in Ephesians 6:2

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

Obama is not the enemy. Muslims are not the enemy. Arabs are not the enemy. Satan is the enemy. Its time for Christians to start fighting the right battles.

So I don’t know if anyone reads this anymore, but if you do, I’d like to have a discussion. A year or two ago, I had a controversial blog post about the issue of abortion. I think I have modified my opinions a little on the subject but I’ve been thinking about it again. I’ve talked to a few of my conservative friends and they have stated to me that the make or break issue is abortion. If a particular candidate is pro-choice they won’t vote for them. If they are pro-life they will vote for them. This has got me thinking. As Christians, is this the correct approach? I mean, I think abortion is wrong, its sinful. I don’t like it, and I think there is a biblical mandate that it is wrong. But as I look forward to voting sometime in the next month, I honestly can’t say its the one issue that is guiding my vote. I take a look at the economy, foreign affairs, the way in Iraq/Afghanistan, and etc. When I weigh all these things I personally arrive at a decision to vote for Barack Obama. (Don’t worry, Im not intending to turn this into a post into a political smearfest) I mean, biblically speaking, if abortion is the most important issue, than it makes sense to vote for John McCain. But if it isn’t, well then that complicates things.

So what do you guys think? Is abortion the most important issue in this election? If you think so, why? And using Scripture to back things up is always a good idea. If you don’t think it is the most important thing, why do you think that? And what do you think is the most important? And once again, Scripture is welcome and encouraged.

I will try and compile my thoughts and scripture references, but in the meantime, let me know what you think.

So its been awhile since I updated this thing, not having a computer with a full keyboard is to blame. At any rate, sorry for the lack of updates, and here we go.

My last post was emo, super-emo. But it was also true in the sense that I was feeling a lot of despair. What I’ve found it comes down to is what Jesus talks about in the book of John when he talks about the vine.

1“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes^[a] so that it will be even more fruitful. 3You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. 4Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.

-John 15:1-4 (NIV)

I’ve been totally separated from the Vine. I was completely burnt out from my experience with GCM. It disgusted me how people treated me, and in turn how I treated other people. I was angry at church, and I was also angry at God. Deep down I kept thinking, “Weren’t you supposed to protect me from stuff like this?!”. I wasn’t reading my Bible, I wasn’t praying, I was disconnected in the fullest sense of the word. I had no purpose. Nothing to look forward to. No mission. I was lost.

Something changed. It was Sunday of Labor day weekend. I was sitting in my apartment playing on my roommate’s Wii, and it suddenly hit me. I was happy, I was content. You see that week I had started trying to read the Bible more and to be more thankful. I realized that all I really need is God, and that is the one thing I have always had in my life, whether I’ve chosen to acknowledge it or not. Ive always wanted things like getting married. I realized that I don’t even know why I want to get married. I know why I should get married, but I realized that I don’t really have a solid reason as for why I want to get married. It was realizations like that which helped me to realize that I really only need God and all this stuff I’ve been telling myself I need has been a bunch of lies. I also realized I’m content with what God wants me to do. Im ready to follow again.

Having said all of that, I’ve decided to join Church again. Im going to a church in Waukee called “Westwind Church”. I know one of the co-pastors, he’s a pretty rad guy I met whilst interning for the rosebud mission trips. I’m excited to be involved in a community again. Im excited to give and to serve and to love. I have all these gifts and talents, and I really want to use them. Im excited to get to know people and figure out how I can be a life-giving presence.

Im also trying to dig into the word and pray more. Some days are better than others, but its a process and I’m really just happy to be moving forward again. Im happy to be reconnecting to the Vine again.

Life is good.

It’s been right about a year since I left GCM. It’s also been a year since I’ve been involved with a church. I really miss it. Church that is, I have no desire to go back to GCM. I really do feel lost in the deepest sense of the word. I go to work and do everything I can to avoid the fact that I’m lonely and that I know that deep down I know there is something important I’m supposed to be doing. And that something, I either haven’t found it, or I’ve found it and I’m just too afraid to follow through with it.

I think the thing I miss the most is Jesus. I know that deep below the surface of my jaded exterior is someone who loves, who hopes, who dreams. There’s someone beautiful down there. But I feel like I’m actually two different people and the unmotivated, unbelieving jaded person is the one who makes all the calls.

Today in a random moment of emotion, I realized that I really just want someone to tell me that I’m valuable, that I have some worth, that I’m not a screwup. I think is why I have such a hard time seriously trying to find a new church. Church should have been the place where I was encouraged, where my worth should have been reaffirmed. Instead it was the place where I learned I was only valuable when I put out. My worth was subjective based on what those in authority deemed valuable. I’m lonely, but I’ll be damned if I ever put myself in that situation again.

I’m really lost, and I just I wish I knew how to find my way home.

I miss you Dad.

Let me start this post by stating a fact I’ve come to love: 

God is the definition and source of true beauty

I think when it comes down to it, were all searching for beauty. We want to be good looking, have lots of really good friends, live in a nice home, be in love, the list goes on. All of us are searching for beauty. When God started this whole thing, back in the garden with adam and eve, Adam and Eve had direct, unhindered access to God’s beauty.

And then, just like that, it was gone. There was a rift. And for the first time, words like ugly, hate, and loneliness entered our world. And ever since then, we’ve all been frantically searching for beauty, for God’s beauty. We’ve collectively been the anorexic in the mirror who is convinced if they just lose a couple more pounds, then they will be beautiful.

After 24 years of life on this earth, I’m really, really tired of starving myself of that which I need the most in life. I’m tired of making excuses saying that its just life in America. I’m tired of tolerating idol worship, of whoring myself out to anything and everything. I’m tired of going to bed every night wishing that I was doing something worthwhile with my life. I want a beautiful life, and the only way I can accomplish that is be completely giving myself to my beautiful God. And I’m becoming more and more convinced each day, that I need to leave America to resurrect myself from the spiritual death I find myself so often entangled in.

Sometimes I get scared, and start thinking about how hard it will be to leave it all behind. And, if I do leave America, I really will be leaving it all behind. My debt (student loans and the like) is such that if I am to leave for an extended time, I won’t be able to live in America again. So its all or nothing, once I leave there is no going back. And then sometimes I think about how hard it will be to leave my friends and family. That thought makes me sad, but I also that Jesus said that he who loses his life for Christs sake will find it. And I feel like Jesus was whispering those beautiful words into my ear, and that fills me with such hope and excitement.

Sometimes I remind myself that just because Im going to leave America doesn’t mean that my problems will stay in America. But heres the thing about my problems. I have every distraction imaginable here in America. I can watch tv, surf the net, listen to music on my iPhone, etc. Its not that I think I’m going to leave all my problems behind, I know better than that. Im looking at being in a place where I can’t just distract myself constantly, but instead will be forced to relate to God and deal with my issues. But then again, thats about me, and thats not the real reason I want to go overseas, remember, I’m searching for beauty just like everyone else.

The idea of selling most of my worldly possessions and moving to a third world country and living and giving to the people there, living just as they do is probably the most beautiful thing I can think of doing with my life. The problem is that its really not an acceptable practice here in the states. After all, a guy like me is supposed to have a wife and family, and you have to have a good job and a nice house. Nice houses and jobs apparently means that God loves you. (extreme sarcasm there) And not coincidentally, not only is that the most beautiful thing that I think I could do with my life, its also the most humbling.

So I’ve listed out some of my motivation for doing all this crazy stuff. Here’s some of the practical stuff. I have decided to get certified to teach english overseas. In the next month or two, I will start taking an online course to get certified. Once I get certified I will begin the process of preparing myself to leave America. I’d like to be on a plane within 6-12 months of completing the TEFL course. I’ll definitely be trying to discipline myself to save money and live a more simplified life. I’d like to end up somewhere in the south pacific, but thats not set in stone and I’m doing lots of praying to see what God thinks about it.

What it all comes down to is that God is beautiful, and I think I’m finally willing to sell everything I have for the pearl of great price. And I’m seriously hoping that Jim Elliot wasn’t wrong when he said that “He who gives up what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose is no fool”.

If you actually read this whole thing, congrats, you deserve a medal.

PS- It’d be cool to have a travel buddy…you know you want to!

Peace and Grace to you all

This post isn’t about church, I swear. Ok, maybe in a roundabout way…

I just finished reading the book The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis and its really got me thinking about a lot of things. If you haven’t read it, I would highly recommend it. It is Lewis’ musings on what Heaven and Hell could be like. He admits freely in the book Heaven and Hell will probably look completely different, but the context gives Lewis the perfect platform to make some bold and necessary statements regarding our view of eternity, and most importantly, the love of God.  And while Im not going to give the whole book away, I will be talking about some of the key parts that hit me, so if you plan on reading it, this post may contain spoilers.

The book starts off with a bus ride in which the bus ends up in heaven and it is full of people’s souls. Once the bus stops the souls get out and begin to wander around. But because they aren’t used to heaven, it is painful for them to be there (we find out they actually came from hell), indeed, it even hurts them to walk on the grass. And as they wander around several residents of heaven begin to interact with them to convince them to stay in heaven. This is where most of the dialogue of the book comes from. The exchange that probably struck me the most was that between a resident of heaven (hereafter referred to as an angel) and a mother who had apparently lost her son while she was alive on earth. Her son had died at a young age and was in heaven. The mother pleads with the angel to let her see her son, but the angel refuses. The mother argues that no one loved her son as good as she did, and she would rather be with her son in hell than apart from him in heaven. The angel then informs her that her love only goes so far to think of what she wants the most, and is not true love, is not The Love. He also says that many times God can change a person’s heart by using the relationships they have, but sometimes He has to take them away for us to turn our eyes to Him.

This really hit me hard, because I have deluded myself into thinking for many years that my love is good. I know its not perfect, but I’ve thought it was good. But if I’m honest with myself, I see a lot of similarities in the way I love people and the way the mother loved her son. I love them based on how it makes me feel. Thats a really broken and pathetic love. And to be honest, I find myself at a crossroads in my life. I’ve been rejected a lot in my life. By friends, by parents, by relatives, by girls I’ve been attracted to, the list goes on and on. At what point am I just damning people with my whacked out view of love because I refuse to admit that I really don’t know what God’s perfect love looks like. After all, thats what I’ve been claiming that I know about ever since high school. Would I ever really get to the point where I’d rather be in hell with someone than just to embrace God’s perfect love, even though it is completely foreign to me? At this point I’d like to think not. But at the end of the day, I’m lonely and starving for affection, and I find myself looking for love everywhere but its Origin. Maybe its about starting over and just admitting to myself and God I really don’t know anything about how to love people in the name of Jesus, and I need help. Maybe its about freely accepting love, instead of trying to stockpile it like its a commodity to be bartered. Maybe its just all about God, and I’ve treated love like its my own invention and God isn’t about to share that glory with me.

Its probably all those things, but perhaps chiefly this:

I’ve tried so hard to love others that I forgot how to love God, and in turn, forgot how to let God love me. And so now I just need to own up to my mistakes and not blame other people for them. Because if it wouldn’t have been for a particular church or particular relationships, I still would have found an excuse and a way to try and earn my own way. Because I’ve never been satisfied with Jesus telling me He loves me, I’ve always wanted to stick my hands in his wounds. And now I’m realizing He didn’t wince because of the physical pain of me touching his wounds, He winced because I just can’t let Him love me without my earning it. And that created distance between us, and I’ve blamed it on Him, the church I went to, my parents, you name it. And for once I just need to let it sink in that I’ve gotten it wrong, and can’t wiggle my way out of it. I’ve got to face my inadequacies, and I can’t do it any other way than staring into the eyes of Jesus.

I’ve waited awhile to make this post about my faith journey and where its headed. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, praying and reading and these are the conclusions I’ve come to. I just really can’t stand the american church. It doesn’t even really matter what denomination were talking about. Baptists, Lutherans, Catholics, GCM, it doesn’t matter. I don’t think Jesus ever intended for the church to be a giant corporation where people try to climb the ladder of success and where older men who have insecurity issues and crave power more than God end up ruling (read ruining) people’s lives, telling them what God wants for their lives, as if they even know. I don’t think Jesus intended for the church to be more concerned with big buildings than with the people who fill them. And I’m certain that Jesus didn’t want us to simplify anything and everything He said into 5 step plans so we can feel better about ourselves. Yet, these are the things in abundance in the american church. And I just don’t think I can do it anymore.

I think that if church is ever to be successful again, its going to have to go underground. I’ve long been told, and thought myself, that we just need to try and change things from within. I certainly tried this at my last church, but I’ve come to realize that although its a nice thought, its just not going to work. And when I read the Gospels I see this trend. Jesus refers to it as the new wine skins. Jesus didn’t become a pharisee so he could change them from within, he didn’t tell them there was a better way, He told them there was a different way. He didn’t merely look the other way when the pharisees were making people’s lives miserable, He did something about it. He confronted the pharisees head on, and got killed because of it. How many people think they no longer believe in God because they don’t believe in the God of the conservative right? How many people think they have lost faith in God because they don’t believe in a God who cares more about the life of the unborn than the plight of the illegal alien? What of the people who left because they couldn’t reconcile the image of loving God with the Jerry Falwell’s and Pat Robertson’s of the world? When are we going to stand up and declare loudly that God is far more beautiful than the american church has portrayed Him?

I believe that God intended for the Church to be a display of his beauty, another example of goodness. And I believe that it still could be. But not as long as there are building committees and finance committees and the same old stale sunday morning services rehashed every sunday morning. I believe God really does want to romance us, and is inviting us into an amazing, exhilarating relationship. And I think the church should be the place where people are attracted to that kind of relationship. In the old testament, there is this amazing story with the Phillistines have made it so the Israelites don’t have any blacksmiths, and so they have no weapons. The only people who have weapons are Saul and Jonathan. The story starts out with all the soldiers standing around a priest admiring his priestly robe. Jonathan is frustrated and says to his armor bearer that they should just go to a phillistine outpost and see what happens, and if one thing happens they will know God is with them, and if something else happens, they will know He isn’t with them. So they go to this outpost, get a favorable response and route the phillistines that day. I think I have been guilty of admiring my religion for far too long. And I’ve finally reached the point of deciding to do something different. Maybe God will be with me, maybe He won’t, but at least I won’t be wasting my time fixing my attention on something that will never change.

Most of my friends don’t go to church anymore. And most of the really genuine people I know love Jesus, but have a strong dislike for Church. So, I want to start a community for people who don’t want anything to do with church. I want to be the type of person and to be in the type of community that represents the beauty of God and his plan for humanity. A community where Jesus loves people who vote for Barack and even Hillary. Where Jesus even loves the gays, and welcomes them to enjoy Him, and doesn’t require them to stop being gay before He accepts them. I want to be in a community where people who are unsure what they think about Jesus can be in our midst and not feel like outsiders. I don’t just want a better community, I want a different community.

I know that I’m young, and I’ll probably make a million mistakes (if I’m lucky). And I’m not even sure if it will materialize. But I know its worth a try. And when Jesus set the whole thing in motion all those years back, he chose guys just like me. And those guys changed the world. Maybe I will be so lucky.

I’ve been thinking a lot about church lately. Specifically, I’ve been thinking about whether or not I’ll ever go back. My experiences with church have been less than savory for the most part. I had two amazing youth pastors when I was in middle school/high school, and those are really my fondest memories of church. Most of my experiences with Church have involved people playing power games and trying to manipulate and use the people they are supposed to be in community with. Let it also be said that I do not claim to exclude myself from that characterization. I have attempted to play the power games as well, its just that I’m no good at those games. It also seems that for the most part, the most genuine and encouraging people I run across are unbelievers. I just have never really known Church to be a place of healing, but rather a place of wounding. I’m not so sure I want to rejoin and support that type of systemic idiocy.

I’ve also been thinking a lot about the evangelical movement. I’ve been a part of some evangelical church for all of my life. And I think perhaps that is where a lot of my issues with church stem from. I believe that the evangelical movement is dead. Or at least any sign of productive, vibrant life has passed away, and its shell should follow suit. I know that may sound harsh, but let me explain my thought process here. The evangelical movement is closely associated with modern thought. Modern thought was built around systems and science. Everything can and should have an explanation. So therefore we took this approach to the gospel that people wanted and needed answers and so we provided answers for everyone. The ultimate vehicles for this are evangelism and sunday morning preaching. And while I’m sure there were many with good intentions, it got lost in translation. While at one point in time a modern church could reach a modern generation, that is no longer the case. Nowadays the modern church reaching out to the postmodern generation looks like a bloody crusade. Its messy, ignorant and has lots of casualties on both sides. The evangelical church was the modern churches child, it grew up, grew old and has reached the end of its life.

So what does that mean? Am I just going to join a trendy, postmodern church? No, probably not. While I like a lot of the directions the postmodern church is taking, I don’t necessarily like the fact that its main direction is simply away from modernity. To be honest, I’m really not sure what I should do about church. I feel the deep need to be connected to other Christ-followers, but I’m weary and still bitter from being used by people who claimed to know God. Right now I don’t want to join a formal church ever again. I want to have a small unorganized church with my friends who I care about a lot, and who care about me. I want to share Christ with my co-workers not because I have to, but because I really desire them to have the same joy that I do. Who knows, maybe God will change my heart and draw me to a formal church. Or maybe He won’t, and I’ll find a few people to be in church with.

Everything about my life seems so messy and disorderly right now. I don’t really have control. But I know God does, and that fills me with wonderstanding.

Thoughts about this entry? I’m game, lets discuss.

-tj